im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
