Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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