He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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