It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
