there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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