Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
