I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My liver just broke up with me...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
