She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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