do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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