Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Randomize
