No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
