So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
