Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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