We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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