i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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