I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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