spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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