She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
operation harelip BJ is a go
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
