I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
