If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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