When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
