Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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