the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
