So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Randomize
