I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
