You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
