My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
