I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I enjoy the company of your penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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