sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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