I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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