oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you made out with another girl for some wings
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
