how can u be prego again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Randomize
