Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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