nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
