doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
