That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
