I want to make a zoo with you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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