Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
