i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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