im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
