Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
