Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The adults are the big ones right?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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