Don't you send me to vm
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
