What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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