you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
