sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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