My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
