I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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