No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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