It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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