just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
