my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
