Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
