dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
