That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
