I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize