So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
