I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
