we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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