She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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