I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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