I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
