Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your penis caused this!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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