mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize