Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
