Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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