It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
