Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You've changed since you got that strap on
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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