I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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