Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
