There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
