I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
