he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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