I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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