apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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