i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
soo... how was my night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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