I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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