I've blown a few things in my day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
