i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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