Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
