The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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