I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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