OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
