you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
