Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
