Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
